Don’t let the past steal your present.
Terry Guillemets
The key to ourselves and our future lies in our past. I’m not suggesting that you book in for years of psychotherapy and counselling, or even a past life regression – but I ask you to recognise that our past shapes us – and can make us or break us.
It took me decades before I realised that my past was holding me back. If you read my last blog post (If I lost everthing would you help me) – it might be just a blog post to some, but to me it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Fear of criticism and fear of failure are the mountains I am climbing. Those fears can be traced right back to my education and childhood. I didn’t consciously create those fears, but they followed me into adulthood, no matter how much I tried to run away from them. Now, I can certainly consciously deal with those fears.
What is your relationship with your past? Does it hold you back – those past beliefs, negative events or fears? Or has your past experience propelled you into the future, giving you the drive to succeed? Are you aware that even things that seem good in your life might be holding you back from something even better?
We all have experiences from our past that shape our core beliefs about ourselves, other people and the world in general. These beliefs affect our behaviour, our thoughts and feelings. However, not all of what you may have learned is positive and empowering to you in the long term. Negative things from your past can determine your present and direct your future. Unless you manage them or get rid of them, they can prevent you from moving forward with confidence and block your success.
Have you ever considered:
● Why do you do the things that you do?
● Why do you believe what you believe?
● What influences you in your decision-making today?
● Which events, people, labels or memories from your past influence who you are today?
● Which of them help you to proceed?
● Which of them are holding you back?
Do you learn anything about yourself by answering those questions? I ask them because you may have become so acclimatised to your current state that you don’t realise that you are living in a routine that started in childhood. You may even make excuses for how your life is, feeling powerless or blaming others: ‘It’s my personality’ or ‘It’s the way I was brought up’. The fact is – you can take control, by taking responsibility for how you think and behave. Don’t let limiting beliefs dictate to you!
The day I realised that life was mine to control is the day my life changed forever. CLICK TO TWEET
Finding your own limiting beliefs can be hard, because they can be so deep-seated that you may not even realise that you have them. Or you may not even consider them to be limiting beliefs – they’re just ‘the way I am’ or ‘how things are’. But they are not actually your reality – unless you make them so, and make your unhelpful beliefs rule your life. There are many commonly held core beliefs – some listed below. Do you recognise any of yours?
• it’s a dog eat dog world
• people are out to get me
• people won’t buy from me if I put my prices up
• I’m not good enough
• I’m unlovable
• I know what my customers want
• I can’t do this
• I must destroy the competition
• I’m bad
• people will take advantage of me
• I must be in control
• people are too sensitive
• it has to be perfect
• I have to please people.
Some characteristics are perceived as virtues because society reinforces many of them: like strength and safety. But in certain contexts, these can actually be damaging. Strength that is aggression in personal relationships, or safety displayed as inflexibility to change are not good qualities. Conversely, you might think vulnerability is a weakness, but studies show that vulnerability are vital to long term happiness. Face your demons and go wherever it’s uncomfortable, to learn more about yourself, even if you think you are OK! This way, you learn more about who you are, and how you can develop further.
This may feel like your own Everest – a daunting, almost insurmountable task, although it might seem so easy for someone else. We are all different. But if it’s possible for one person, it’s possible for another – for you! The truth is that most people have a mountain of sorts to climb. I know I have my own mountain! The important thing is that you find your personal Everest and you get on and climb it, step by step. The more you do it, the easier it will get. The further you will go!
The great thing is that we can decide exactly what to take from our past into our future. What is useful? Use the lessons, the hardships, the successes and anything else as experience, and learn from them. We can’t change the past, so the only way to move forward is to create our own future.
So, think about where you stand in relation to your past and your future. Some of your beliefs and behaviours might be ‘old baggage’ that wasn’t even yours, but was stuff from parents, teachers, friends or colleagues that has kept you weighed down or immobilised, unable to skip off merrily into your future.
If you feel that things from your past are holding you back, it’s time to look into the abyss and confront the side of yourself that you’ve been avoiding. Face your fears. Do this and you can release the very best of yourself.
You CAN conquer your own Everest and move away from your past. It might be difficult but will be very rewarding. Tackling the past can be a tough, harrowing journey but the result is peace within oneself. That mountain is worth climbing!
You are in control of your destiny and can take the appropriate action steps to create the best possible future. So take control, stop complaining – and do something about it. Learn some new habits, take risks that take you out of your comfort zone, take action and help others along the way. Your experiences can benefit others, as well as yourself.
Live in the present, look to the future – and don’t give up. You will reach the life you want, and thoroughly enjoy the ride on the way!
Please share this post with anyone you know who might benefit from it. We all know someone who is struggling with their past. This post could help them on the path to unlocking their future!
And if you have a story of how you let go of your past to create a better future, please share it in the comments section below, or send it to getintouch@marcwinn.com.It would be great to hear from you.
Every successful journey shared helps others gain the courage to make their own journeys!
If the above topic, or indeed any of my blogs are of interest to you, then contact me and let’s talk! Drop me an email at getintouch@marcwinn.com.
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Your words touched my soul an encourage me but you will forgive those who did you harm in your past but it is not that easy to forget your past no matter how hard you try … So tell me how can I face the fear of to how to forget?
I am not sure forgetting is the answer. It isn’t for me. If you love who you are then the whole journey is part of that story.
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